You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
