that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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