Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
