I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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