i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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