I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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