we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
