We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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