Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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