when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this boner is exhausting
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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