Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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