and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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