Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
