it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
