And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
