Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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