Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
