apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
