Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was like eating out sand paper
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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