U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
