When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my being single is dangerous.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
