I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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