You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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