Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
