the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
