i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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