I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
