Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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