I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
