Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
