they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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