Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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