woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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