One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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