the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
