I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
