haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
