Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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