wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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