i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
