what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it's great music for shaving your balls
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
