Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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