You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
