paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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