There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize