We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
