1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
