when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
