wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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