I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
