Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The air taste purple.
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