My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
