I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
