Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
