so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She even gives head with a lisp.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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