Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
