I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
