Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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