I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
