Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
