He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
