So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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