By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you didnt know i had herpes?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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