This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
