If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
