I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
