If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
