he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
