Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
