She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize