Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
