Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
